I’m moving… Again!

As you can read from the title of this post, yes I am moving, again…  But, I am moving back north.  Back to where I know I need to go for another few years.

I have a gypsy nature, a nomadic soul.  I have never felt like I was home, anywhere.  I have tried, I have moved houses, suburbs, towns, states numerous times, but I still have not found my HOME.

People will tell you that “Home is where the Heart is”, well for some that may be true but for me it isn’t.  My heart is my children, and I have moved with them and still not felt like I was home.

My last big move in 2012/2013 led me to a place that I found kinship, soul friends and a connection to spirit, it was however, a move that was required and not desired.  Then I return to my  ‘hometown’ and it felt like I had been sucked into a pit of quicksand.  This too, however, was a move that was required and not desired.

Now that the requirement to remain here has passed, we are returning to my soul-friends out of desire.  The children are the ones that propagated the move 6 months earlier than was planned.  Although it may be a move back to kinship, soul-friends and connecting back to spirit, I know it is not my home.

Maybe I need to finally save and go on some overseas holidays to test the spirit and soul connections in other lands to see if something catches me.  Until then  I have resigned myself to the fact that north is my ‘home for now’ place, which for the next 4 years is good enough for me.  One day I will find my home, it may not be until I move again, but I will find it.

Well my crazies, I still have a few weeks before I head north, so I have been slowly packing, de-cluttering (again), tying up loose ends and trying to find an actual house to live in up north.  I know my posts have been slow but hopefully after the move my creative, mental, physical and emotional funk will ease and I can get back to sharing more with you.

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Do you censor yourself?

Do you write the absolute truth or do you share some watered down censored version of the truth? Is it due to your own self-consciousness or is it because you know who is in the audience?

I have started many blogs in the past, anonymous ones and ones were I knew the audience. Where do you find a balance? I miss writing anonymously, it felt freeing but then I also hated the anonymity of it. Not being able to have conversations about what you post, write. Not being able to share feelings that get brought up in some real raw writing.

I have secrets that just can’t be released and secrets I want to tell but should consider my audience before doing so. I hate doing it to myself. Sometimes it is that hesitation, that self censorship that buts me in funks of not writing.

I see it in others writings too, the hesitation, the control. That sentence that is missing words, emotions and thoughts. Is it intentional or subconscious? Why is it so hard to tell some secrets that you know will help heal you? Because in doing so you know it could potentially harm someone close to you. Well that is my reasoning anyway. I have close friends and acquaintances that know more about me than most of my family. On the other hand I have family that has spent years hiding secrets that has caused more harm than good.

Maybe it is time for me to start another anonymous blog, for myself, not for you. Somewhere I can be completely uncensored but I will be anonymous to those that do not know my story. Many writers use a nom deplume so why should this be any different?