Do you write the absolute truth or do you share some watered down censored version of the truth? Is it due to your own self-consciousness or is it because you know who is in the audience?
I have started many blogs in the past, anonymous ones and ones were I knew the audience. Where do you find a balance? I miss writing anonymously, it felt freeing but then I also hated the anonymity of it. Not being able to have conversations about what you post, write. Not being able to share feelings that get brought up in some real raw writing.
I have secrets that just can’t be released and secrets I want to tell but should consider my audience before doing so. I hate doing it to myself. Sometimes it is that hesitation, that self censorship that buts me in funks of not writing.
I see it in others writings too, the hesitation, the control. That sentence that is missing words, emotions and thoughts. Is it intentional or subconscious? Why is it so hard to tell some secrets that you know will help heal you? Because in doing so you know it could potentially harm someone close to you. Well that is my reasoning anyway. I have close friends and acquaintances that know more about me than most of my family. On the other hand I have family that has spent years hiding secrets that has caused more harm than good.
Maybe it is time for me to start another anonymous blog, for myself, not for you. Somewhere I can be completely uncensored but I will be anonymous to those that do not know my story. Many writers use a nom deplume so why should this be any different?
Your tribe is not a group of people just like you, it is a group of people that compliment each other, a group of people whose strengths & weaknesses differ so much from each other, that together, you become one.
With Walpurgis Night (Beltane) nearly upon us here in the Southern Hemisphere I am wondering how many others are feeling ‘different’.
Not different in a bad way but like there is fire within, like the veil has already began to slip away and we are now walking side by side with the other side.
I know the Northern parts of the world are about to celebrate Samhain so they would be feeling this energy, or vibration too. I know within myself I have felt an awakening over the last month. My spirituality has taken a shift to a higher level.
Over the years I had let myself become stuck in society, I let bad relationships control and direct where my life went. I had forgotten who I was and what I was. I had also become a mother which I had forced myself to push my true self inside so deep that I thought I had lost me forever.
This last year has given me the strength and determination to bring myself back to the surface and well this new me is fucking awesome. I have never felt so alive before. I am learning to let go of the past that was holding me back, no not back, down.
I had let myself become the victim of being the survivor. Pretended to be Superwoman when what I should have been is me. Where is all of this new fire coming from? I have known for a long time but have, for no known reason, kept it hidden.
I moved house in February and that is when it all started, well it started Dec, but the fire started in February. It was an unusual heatwave right at the time I was moving (see… fire) and I started seeing strange things, yes, yes, I know now they were signs, and pretty damn obvious ones too, that I just kept blowing them off as other signs.
I have always been Thor’s girl, not in the God-spouse sense, more like he was always there when I needed him (or thought I needed him), like a big brother would be. Very platonic relationship, although he did ‘claim’ me a few times when I had attempted to wander to another deity.
Maybe that is why I had not considered another male trying to reach out to me. Thor would have surely ‘claimed’ me again if that was the case right, right?
Maybe it was Skadi, I was yearning for the cold so badly, because there was so much fire in my life. Orange had become a favourite colour along side my ever trusty green. So I began researching her.
Elen of the Ways come through in my research after a dream of an Antlered Goddess within the forest. Deers and Stags were everywhere in my otherworldly life. There was a shift coming, you could feel it, my witchy friends had begun feeling it emanating from me for a while too.
Whilst on holiday (yes I will get to Day 2 soon I promise), I had a change cone over me so obvious, so strongly, so effortlessly, so… divinely… that I knew I needed to embrace what ever was coming. To just let it flow, from me and for me to just let myself flow with it. What ever it was…
I found myself grounding a lot with
nature and water… so much water, I couldn’t get enough water it was ridiculous, not just physically but I needed to keep hydrated as I felt myself burning alive other wise. See… Fire… so much fire.
I had a few otherworldly experiences whilst away that I enjoyed and will keep to myself but I will share the most awakening experience, almost like a life epiphany experience. I was at the beach on the way back home from our trip, it was my cousin, myself and our kids. I was not going into the water, until I was sitting there and I felt a pull… I had to go and stand in the water… but I needed to bury my feet in the sand too… See water and grounding, always grounding.
I stood there, the waves (only small) washing back and forth around my legs… there was no more pull towards the ocean… only a desperate need for stillness… How the Hel are you meant to stand still in the waves? But I did, I was so still, so steadfast, I could see the water coming and going in slow motion, I could feel every single grain of sand surround my legs then whittle away as the waves returned to the deep once more. I could smell the salt in my nose, I could feel the sticky salt air in my pores, I could feel the earth slowly rotating… What… Yes… the earth, Jord, Gaia, Mother… I could feel her, I was her, she was me.
I know it sounds absurd to those that are not spiritually connected to nature. But it happened, and it happened to me. It made me realise how small I am in the universe, yet how gigantically huge I am in the scheme of life. It was a true awakening, I fell in love all over again to my spirituality, to me, to life.
Then when I got home and relaxed, I could still feel the fire within, like a volcano, with its lava bubbling, just waiting to explode. Well the volcano did erupt. It erupted with such gusto that it felt like I have been reborn.
I was recouping after a great weekend catchup with one of my best friends, scrawling through Facebook when I came across a photo of a candle. (I am writing this on my mobile so will add links and photos later). It was a candle with an image of Freyr, standing in a forest with antlers on his head. There it was, there HE was, it was like a slap across the face… or arse in my case 😉 … This last 9 months has been about Freyr trying to connect, and with Thor’s permission obviously.
I needed to become a woman again, I needed to earn the fire within, I needed to earn the desire for life. Well I have, I have done the hard yards, and I have reached he pinnacle of my spiritual puberty to become the woman I am looking forward to releasing.
This does not mean I am letting go of my big brother, no, this just means my big brother has let go of my hand. He has shared my last teen dance with me and is now handing me over to the next stage of my spirituality. To experience life with new eyes and a new dedication to all that is.
This brings me back to the start of this post about the energy around us at the moment. There is a shift in the spiritual plane, an energy shift that has occurred. Is it just me or is it all? Are you feeling the fire or are you feeling another vibration all together? Is it just this time of year or is there a shift happening, a stirring, a change, an otherworldly primal shift in the universe itself!
Let me know my fabulous crazies… or is it just me, going… well crazy?
Hello my Crazies, I have missed you all… I know I promised this earlier but so much has happened since I have been away and since getting back… the latter I will discuss in a new post.
So a vacation was desperately needed by all and a vacation was had.
We had a fabulous time away, we listened to some great podcasts, took some amazing photos of some of the amazing scenery we saw, spent way too much money, took some periscope videos, we loved, lost, learnt life lessons & grew all in the space of 4 weeks.
I want to give a huge shout out to my daughter for all the amazing photography she did for herself and for me. The majority of photos displayed throughout the ‘Road Trip 2016’ blog series were photographed by her. You can find more of her awesome photography on Instagram, just search for @neonmagnesiumphotography.
This was spent fuelling up, checking over the car etc, making sure we had drinks & nibbles and then packing my little Ford Fiesta Ambient to the hilt. Making sure that there was enough room for one of my babes to still have room to relax in the backseat. (The twins took turns of who sat in the front day 1 & who sat in the front day 2, it was all very amicable really).
It was an early night as we were planning for a 4am start so that we good beat most of the heat from the Queensland weather.
Day 1: Cairns – Injune (QLD)
Awake by 3am and a cuppa made, twins up at 3:30am and toilet stops done. Hugs to my eldest who was staying behind (she had been on 2 big holidays the year before and agreed that it was my turn, after 4 years, to have a holiday), and we loaded ourselves into the car. I had so many plans for this holiday, things that I wanted to accomplish and people I wanted to see/meet, but most of it failed to eventuate due to unforeseen circumstances. Nonetheless we were off on what was a horribly rainy morning.
It was slow, dark and wet. Our first stop was Cardwell service station for toilet stop and a mini breakfast stop. We had been listening to the Myths & Legends podcast (which you can find on iTunes and Podbean) and the kids loved the stories. It was a great way to keep them entertained and a great way to educate them on real fairy tales and the history behind some of them, including the creature of the week.
The morning began to clear once we left Townsville and headed to Charters Towers. The road from Charters Towers to Clermont is a 376km fairly straight red bitumen road with a lot of crests. I did manage to pull over just at the start of the highway so my daughter could take some photos and so I could do my first ever Periscope.
We drove on to Belyando Crossing which is roughly the middle point of this long stretch of highway. It is nothing more than a service station and cafe really but has always had friendly staff from as long back as I can remember. My first ever stop here was in September 1997 when I first relocated to Cairns and my car at the time only had enough fuel to travel 300km at a stretch so was a definite stop. The kids and I decided we needed to stretch our legs and it was close enough to lunch time so we also grabbed a bite to eat.
We took in the surroundings, which really was not much to be honest, ate our lunch, said goodbye to the gorgeous local labrador and the many crows that were out and about and got back on our way.
Unfortunately there is not reception out along most of the Gregory Hwy so I was unable to upload anything or record another Periscope so it was then that I decided today was about photos and enjoying the Australian landscape. We really do live in such an amazingly beautiful and diverse country.
We continued on our way and decided to head to Roma… Well that was the plan right? The universe had other ideas. We had a lovely drive during the day, stopping at Emerald for fuel and continuing on. We took a wrong turn near Rolleston but quickly turned around and only lost 10 minutes out of our time.
But… We hit Rolleston just before dusk and there was no traffic on the roads… not even a truck… This concerned me a little as we were heading into Kangaroo country (the whole country is Kangaroo Country but dawn & dusk are the worst times to be driving with the buggars). Without a truck in front we were at risk of hitting a roo and damaging not only it but my little car too. We decided to take it easy. Matters were made worse by the local cattle on the side of the unfenced roads that were grazing along the sides.
We had driven maybe 120km when what do you know… A roo… I saw it in time to stop… it stopped… I waited… it waited… I decided to drive… it decided to jump and… bumpidy bump bump… We had gone over the top of it… I looked in my rearview mirror and there was no roo so I am sure I only just stunned it… I was only going about 10km/hr.
I had been given a warning back in July by Alison Burman, Psychic Medium, (you read about that here) that she could see a car accident and a kangaroo in my path… Well I was hoping that was it. Anyways, we drove slowly up the road a little further and found a parking bay. We pulled over and I assessed any damage… Nope, nothing, phew (I post more on this in another Periscope but I will tell you about that on Day 2). There was a truck driver checking his rig and he came over to ask if we needed help. I explained the situation and he said that it was a quiet night on the roads and that Roma was going to be pushing it with all the wildlife on the roads.
I said thanks and decided that we would get to Injune, it was only another 50+km up the road. So we headed off slowly… very slowly off to Injune. We got to Injune about 7ish that night. We stopped into the first motel we saw and hoped they had a room. They did and even upgraded us to a Family for no extra cost. I ordered some dinner (which they also doubled for no extra cost)… Very grateful, fed, showered and tired, my son in bed alseep, my daughter and I watched the final episode of Winners & Losers then off to bed we went too.
Okay my Crazies, that was Day 1 of our trip… I will post Day 2 tomorrow…